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designer   DancingSheep
brushes   + +

Oh god I just spent two and a half hours making a teacher's day card for the class and the end product is- completely unworthy of time spent.

Though if anyone dares mention that tomorrow I will throw something.

IT IS 3AM AND THERE IS SCHOOL TOMORROW (last day of formal education even, cannot sleep in class or what will that say about my rgs education/ that will be completely representative of my rgs education :'( ) what is wrong with me okay goodnight.

Mugging with a to-do list is much more productive than I'd expected :) And I'm starting to realise which subjects I really enjoy, and which subjects I just can't seem to appreciate, try as I might (despite genes I'm supposed to have, I don't know how my mum speaks of Physics with so much passion and excitement and I just cannot understand why so many things just are).

I asked my brother what his favourite subject was in secondary school, and he replied immediately, geog. Then I asked him, why didn't you take it in JC? (He went from trip science geog to KI, ELL, ME) And he just said, I don't like human geog. I have no idea why that left such a great impression on me and I don't think it's helping me shape my JC subject choices in any way but, yeah. -I really need to stop thinking about future things and focus on studying hahaha everyone keeps telling me to ):

Think I've said this a lot of times before but I guess it's quite sad how I only start appreciating subjects that I can when it comes to exam period, when it comes to the point that I really have to sit down and learn it all. But I love how the secondary 4 curriculum is so interlinked, how you look at genes and phosphodiester bonds and you think of phosphates and their valency and what makes DNA negatively charged. And then you look at all the topics we've been learning so far for Bio and realise it's all within your egg cell and what spirals out from that. Writing out GMO notes just now just made me think - it's not in the learner's objectives and not in the slides but I know there's this whole controversy about GMO and ethics and yet the slides only mention the benefits of GMO, and even that in such technical terms (disease resistance, quicker maturity) but fail to mention the thing I find most important - that this is what's feeding the hungry in developing countries.

And like what Jocie said- only very, very few of us are going to use all this information in some way or another when we grow up, maybe everything we're learning is completely pointless when it comes to the rest of our lives but I guess what it gives us is just this simple awareness? At least if we'll never remember which polymerase sets what in action, we'll always know that DNA -> mRNA -> proteins -> us hohoho.

Have been completely unproductive these past two days but ah well, at least I've caught up on my sleep debt, if that's possible. I guess I just want to get some things done by the time school starts again but meanwhile I'm extremely thankful for this four day break :) Four subjects left to study for (I don't really know what to do for English but I know I'm going to have to do well for P1 to make up for P2 oh dear) and even though they're madly content-heavy I don't feel pressured at all.

No pressure as opposed to too much pressure? I'll settle.

Looking forward to Thursday ahhh Teacher's Day Celebrations with 404 and our whole email thread of funky presents, bio and lunch with Ms Lee and b11atch! I love you guys :) :) :) Jocie said there's only going to be another two or so sessions that we can attend before the school year ends but- at least not the last two.

Today my dad asked me why I'm not as keen on migrating anymore, and I don't know how to tell him why, because he's not going to accept it, and if he does, he won't understand.

Everybody's getting wordpress and I'm starting to want to too because there are things I want to say to groups of people and not the whole world but the very fact that everyone is getting it is making me not want to get it hahahaha I have issues.

Day 3 of bloody interesting week hohoho and Day 2 of new President! A lot of hooha which I have many sentiments about but let's save that for private conversations!

OH GOD I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE I CANNOT STUDY HERE too much comfort :'( Besides when I'm with my friends I don't use my phone as much hahaha observing social etiquette y'know!

It is 6:48pm, I've done nothing but eat and sleep today, and I feel like sleeping again. :>

Post-EYA on Friday was very very happy! Pizza Hut with Ningxin Crystal Doob Lisa! Awkward jokes and eating too much and laughing and vomiting and pepsi refills :') Aiyo miss you guys. Thursday mugging and getting pissed at SS with Doob and Ningxin was strangely productive-

Man, I am not going to spend my next few weeks' worth of blogposts on EYAs. ):

Okkk back to Bio.

EYA settling in!

This morning after sitting in class memorising things with Doob I went to the flagpoles and saw Jocie sitting there staring into space and Laura walking around talking to herself a bunch of (coincidentally B-ban) batchmates sitting at table memorising even more and- wow. Day before exam was like okay write down all the jiaju, memorise, sleep early.

During morning assembly Aye Mon wished the sec 4s good luck, on the way back to class PB went very loudly "GOOD LUCK SEC FOURS FOR YOUR EYAs" (to the sec four prefects lah, but I accepted it anyway) and it just felt like THIS IS THE END y'know? ):

Actual exam was like holy shit I did not just spend 10 minutes choosing a question, everything I studied doesn't apply here, but it felt so happy, somehow? I like attempting to express myself in Chinese, it's more exciting than English, actually. 8)

Chinese P2 was amazing amazing amazing, after three years of crap passages about philo shit and life that no one understands, they finally give us PSLE-esque passages with stories and morals and :))) I don't actually know if I'll pass because I tend to interpret things very differently but this is the first time I felt enough to write five lines worth of answer :')

Bio mugging after that with Laura Kway Jocie, we have the best analogies to assist overly visual learners!!

I feel abnormally at ease with the rest of EYAs and well this feeling will die out soon but calm before the storm I guess (though technically the storm is here) but !!!

And I had a very exciting dream/ nightmare about English compre last night, will tell it to anyone willing to listen hohoho ...unless I've already told you but that means you are the privileged many!!

1. English FA
2. Geog FA
3. Overdue Math Assignment
4. That is the condensed list i.e. the absolutely necessary things.
5. It is 10pm.
6. I have not started.
7. My current tabs are email, tumblr, tumblr, tumblr, tumblr, tumblr.

Highlights of today:

1. Mass ordering with 404, starting from first block 8) Ran down like nobody's business and the queue didn't move for like ten minutes, think the auntie got pissed, but s'okay we got the food and last time anywayyy. 404 is very awesome.

2. Passed Chem SPA! NO MORE 1.6 LAURA CRAP LEE, WE GON PASS CHEM OVERALL!

3. Footdrill I/C selection and unexpected opportunity to command (rustily) with b11atch! Guides never produces the best footdrill there is, but the thing is, we do our best, and that already means so much. Thank you sec threes/GST, so proud of you guys :)

4. PIZZAAAAAA!

5. Inconvo with too much contradiction, ah well.

Happy happy night :) It's 12:30 and I don't feel sleepy and this isn't because of any caffeine!!

Met my mum at Popular to get a ride home, and as she walked around buying nothing I stood in front of the assessment book shelf and started reading through GP essays and (try too hard) interactive diagram books and primary two chinese cloze passage books (which I couldn't do). And then I reached Andrew Er which was supposedly the Challenging Assessment Books in primary school that my dad made sure we had a lot of (I realise he mostly only cared that we were good at Math we didn't have books on anything else hahahaha can't fault him!!!), and I really, really, really want to be a primary school math tutor. 8)

I don't know why I like reading assessment books so much but they look so nice when nothing's written on it!!! And nice book smell. :>

Tonight is happy night/ camp in front of computer all night kind of night, because today I am happy and I'm going to stay happy by doing what makes me happy!! Many many things to think through and they're not all very pleasant but tonight has already been a good night :)

I also realised today that even though my GPA might remain in the bottom what, 10% of RGS (I don't get how people get improved GPAs when it comes to sec four ARE THEY NOT INVERSELY PROPORTIONATE), it's not troubling me (as much as the school thinks it should). Just gonna do my best for the remaining papers and make sense of this year's curriculum. I don't know if this is weird but I actually like exams because that's when I start learning. 8)

OKAY GONNA TUMBLR MY NIGHT AWAY~

Oh and Mum spent dinner telling us why she thinks she is Cool because she appreciates Modern Music/ Party Rock Anthem. Hokay.

Had a lousy sort of morning today - Tuesdays are generally angsty, tiring days with too much curriculum shoved into a six block day but today, well, two things.

I'm sorry for trying, but I don't and won't regret it, because I know why I did it and I stick by what I did.

I absolutely cannot stand the way that the entire cohort dissolves into a education-is-merely-for-grades mentality - in ten years I wouldn't give a shit about what I grades I got, I'd care more about whether I actually spent four years of my life learning something, because in an environment like this it's hard to learn anything for fun - just memory work of the best phrasing, the keywords, thrown together, get the marks, get the report card. Then what?

And in all this frustration and general annoyance and how contorted our education system has become, I walk down to the Guides table and on my way down I see Kana in her yellow-blue hoodie, I see Mel walking down with blue hoodie draped over shoulder, I spot Han Jun in the canteen crowd with another blue hoodie, and- I don't know how you guys brighten my day without even trying.

Session today, we're still trying to ease ourselves into our new roles, but I'll settle. PGA briefing was spent telling (not so) funny stories from Camp and man, I miss it so much. And, actually, part of the reasons why I wanted to try for PGA - I wanted the juniors to look at all nine of us and think, maybe it isn't that much of an abnormality/ tremendous leap to dare to sign up for it, because look at b11atch, they've got nine willing people. I don't know. But today about five people raised their hands and maybe that's not the glorious number we achieved (with too much enthusiasm, as always) but it's a start.

After session Rae Laura and I walked to Far East and on our way there we started with National Day songs and moved on to Avril Lavigne and Justin Bieber and general screamy songs and as a result screamed more than we sung (okay maybe just me) and - I love you guys, I love how spontaneous we are, I love how we never know what comes before 'on his guitar', I love how even when we don't know the words we know the tune and I love us!!

MRT ride home alone (for the first time in, well, forever) with uncrowded trains and boredom but - I'm going to borrow a Chinese book and start reading!!! GONNA BREATHE CHINESE FOR THE NEXT TWO AND A HALF MONTHS 呼吸呼吸！！！

Mugging tomorrow with FOODCHUCK. Been bouncing between groups of people when it comes to studying and well I've never been a very productive person, alone or with people, but somehow I get the feeling that we have more time for each other this EYA period than we will for a very long time to come - and productive or not, the least I can do is enjoy it :)

Feels like Sec 2 EYAs all over again - cold nights (not metaphorically lah) and Taylor Swift!! 8) Sorry to all the people I disappoint but I think she's very good mugging music hahaha.

It's 12.40 and I'm too awake. First night drinking coffee and my sister just told me to go to sleep or I'll die for the next few nights (and proceeded to fall asleep two minutes later I don't know how she does that) but tonight I wasn't vaguely productive yet I feel oddly satisfied, because tonight I sat next to my sister and we listened to different music and did completely different work yet both with the same mild sort of urgency that comes about with exams drawing nearer yet never having much motivation to study to begin with and with our cans of coffee sitting side by side (and her 1.5l bottle of ice lemon tea plonked unceremoniously in the middle and left untouched) with her liquid paper being passed to and fro and every now and then I try and interest her with Biology and she does the same with Economics and every now and then she tells me to shut up and stop singing and I really, really like studying with my sister. :)

So it's 12:46 now and three questions later I will be tucked in bed replying neglected smses (phone switched off and dumped in drawer for about three hours - accomplishment I must say!!) and my computer battery is dying for the second time tonight - must be a sign!

Also, in 13 hours we will be watching fall in and footdrill and trying to study and conducting PGA briefing and man, we're never going to let go of Guides are we. :)))))

GOODNIGHT WORLD!

Spent yesterday @ HQ with our happy family/ies! I think the programme booklet looks splendid, and Ms Ng thought so too hahaha WHOOPIEYAYYYHOOO. 8D Stayed back and were roped in to help get lunch ready for the Guiders and serve them food and ended up eating lunch there too - Mrs Peter said that that was our "good turn for the day", and well, I guess I never really valued the importance of that Enrolment clause.

PGA Briefing next Tuesday and I spent a little too long looking at the session schedule but there is horseshoe practice!! We're just going to stand at the side and look on like proud parents again but there is horseshoe practice and I am excited!!!!!!

Crashed at 9.30 and I have no idea how I'm going to do my EYAs at this rate but, aligned with my goal of Being Productive Everyday-
I guess I'm going to have to start stocking up on coffee. :>

Never tried it before but it works for everybodyyyy~

---

And homg why is everybody going for FAM. If everyone goes I might end up goingggg (peer pressure much) and dude if I pay 70 bucks I'm going to sit down and finish up all the food they give me. :< AND 70 BUCKS MAKES YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO SPEND MORE MONEY LOOKING NICE (or on expandable dress so you can eat) MEANS YOU JUST PAY MORE AND MORE AND MORE, 恶性循环！！！ Okay not really a cycle, but- vicious anyway.

1. I am most definitely going to join Street if I get in, insecurities and unfounded fears aside, the prospect of dancing without a deadline is a very exciting one :)

2. In 5 weeks we'd have completed four years worth of the Raffles Programme, and I've only just started to like the academic portion of school again. Four years too late but, ah well. JC sounds terrifying, but all we got to do is keep our head.

3. For CRAP I formed a third of the class, for Chinese, half. I don't know why but I like remedial, and how it feels like I'm doing something about my grades. :>

4. I guess this is pretty normal for the rest of the world but- today we collected our Math papers and I got a 4.0 for both!!! I don't like letting my grades determine my mood but this was really, really unexpected; the last time I got a 4.0 for Math was what, sec one? AND NOW I'M SEC FOUR WHOOPIEDOOOOOOOO.

Going to excitedly shower and read SS equally excitedly!! I don't know why but SS teaches me life lessons, somehow. 8D

Last National Day Celebrations with RGS and mannn was it exciting.

404's representatives stood in the KS Chee Theatre feeling sorely inadequate because while everyone was rushing to finish up the final touches, we had no final touches. :> The entire thing was... mad, really - we had nothing to sell except humour and damn we sold that well 8D After the parade Mrs J came up to me and said, "You're doing community singing and also a model?!" and we were like, nevermind lah won't win anything, but-

FOURTH PLACE DUDEZZZZ. 8D
Somehow we keep winning the last few prizes this year, hope it's food again heeeheeee.

After that b11atch trooped onto stage and did our five songs - for the first three the crowd was bored, they didn't really participate, and then I don't know which song it was but suddenly the mood just changed and everyone stood up and people started mirroring our actions and- tell them how the crowds went wild.

Standing up there with you guys was magical, really. I don't know how else to say it except that I will keep my shirt forever and wear it to all subsequent NDPs and I hope as hell that the paint won't come off and I love you guys :) :) :)

ACTION after that was okay, I guess I'm pretty disappointed with our performance but I really like the routine so all's well 8D EMCEEING WAS THE BEST HAHAHAHA I love how everything we find funny isn't something the general population finds funny but, !!! we got laughs!!! And ride home wasn't awkward at all hahaha :>

And watching NDP yesterday - I don't know why but halfway through (maybe it was the chords of national day songs, eh), there was this sudden burst of patriotism and how I was so proud of everything being a Singaporean represented? I guess what sucks is that this feeling comes about once a year but hey, better once than never. NDP was great :)

So many things I wanted to say but I always forget so, oh well.

Just finished PGA reflections and it's completely unreflective of everything I've gained/ felt in these two months but at the same time I know that even if I had the words of the world nothing could really do it justice.

This just goes on a booklet, and neither is that reflective of what PGA and Guides means to all of us.

Some things don't need to be matched up with words.

Tomorrow's NDP and this is probably going to be the most hectic day I'll have until the EYAs are over - scared, excited, thankful, somehow.


I remember last year after NDP flagraising etc the bunch of b11atch that was involved sat by the side of the amphi and went high and screamed like we always did and then it hit us, that that was the last time we'd ever do GOH, and that come NDP next year we won't be screaming with b11atch, we'll be screaming with our classes and well- I guess it just isn't the same.

BUT LOOK WHERE WE'LL BE TOMORROW. :)))))
So incredibly glad that we've got tomorrow.


Too many thoughts and too many things I want to say but I guess I'm just not in the mood to do so now. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrowwww going to choreograph my catwalk now and save 404 some face/ lose all dignity I ever had :>

I miss dancing. Never realised it till today. Going home, stinking up the mrt (seriously, I should've changed, though I couldn't smell myself so idc), legs feeling like they haven't worked so hard in forever, ...haven't worked so hard in forever. :)))


These past few days have been full of b11atch/ in between b11atch - I love how when there were fifteen minutes to spare before a meeting I could go down to the guides table and just know that someone's going to come soon enough, and someone did. And how yesterday we stood in our sweaty sweaty sweaters (okay, hoodies) even though it was morning assembly and burning and how it looks like bitch from afar (and near) but yet. :>

Yesterday during NDP we slothed in the dance studio and then Kway walked in with her laptop and her swagger (apparently we all do!!!) and blow started blasting from the speakers and everyone just went on a dancing high and even after two and a half months there was still the excited little bubble before- EVERYDAY I'M SHUFFLIN'.

I love you guys, you make my everyday.