MAEHANYI
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osl cambodia 2010
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designer   DancingSheep
brushes   + +

WILL NOT BLOG FOR NEXT FEW DAYS SO: I will do my tumblr challenge punctually today :D

DAY FIVE: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Wow. You know I really don't like regretting so everything I wish I'd never done is just.. something I did?

1. Being unnecessarily dao/mean to people on bad days.
2. Getting booked x48534985034 in lower sec D:
3. Losing friends over stupid things, but at least I got them back :)
4. Making people sad :(
5. BITCHFACING PEOPLE- okay no, not really. :D

I'd say arguing with people but actually it's kinda fun 8D

I wanted to get tumblr today! D: But then I decided that it'd be too big a pre-EYA distraction.
Oh heck I'm going to get it now but not log in.. yet.


(Should I be disturbed that The Grammies is publicizing "SEXAAEEEE BUCKLE & WADDLE CHEERLEADERS ♥" hahahaha

Just now at the pool this small boy's parents were trying to get him to swim in the deep pool, and he sat on the edge and shivered and refused to move. The dad scolded him and told him he wasn't keeping to his promise and threatened to send him back to the shallow pool, while the mum feebly asked what's the point of being scared. You don't question someone's fears or scold him for it. You don't threaten him and punish him because he's scared. You take his hand and you tell him it's going to be okay and that you won't let him get hurt, you do everything it takes so he feels safe. You don't let him grow up doing things to avoid negative consequences, you let him work his way towards the good.

I don't like it when parents scold their children for embarrassing them in public - you're never going to see these strangers again so why're you putting their opinion of you above how you treat your own child?



Today I decided that when I grow up I want to be wealthy. Not rich, but wealthy.
(But somehow that's harder than being rich huh)


And I'm in a very happy mood now! 8D I don't even know why but I like it hahaha this is how I feel when I don't do SS FA!

amelia ♥B11ATCH
rahhhh

Maehanyi
rah rah ah ah ahhh
8D

amelia ♥B11ATCH
isnt it rah rah rah ah aah

Maehanyi
nooo
it's mine!

amelia ♥B11ATCH
..roma roma maaa

Maehanyi
yes
ga ga ooh la laaa

amelia ♥B11ATCH
want your bad romance :P

Maehanyi
OH REALLAYE? ;D

amelia ♥B11ATCH
yeah baby
;D
my wink is so much flirtier than yours -.-
;D ;D ;D
i got mascara!

Maehanyi
MY PLACE OR YOURS? ;D
HAHAHAHAH
FAIL MASCARA
DID YOU LIKE, CRY
THEN IT LIKE
TURNED FROM SEXY :D TO ;D

amelia ♥B11ATCH
hahaha eyelashes lah!

Maehanyi
IT'S SMUDGED MASCARA
I didn't know you were so sad :( :( :(
i'm sorry amelia
i'm sorry things had to be like that
:(

amelia ♥B11ATCH
:( you break my heart
(omg hate that song yucks)

Maehanyi
which song!
i only know
don't break my heart
my achy breaky heart
bla bla bla bla blaaaaaaaa
don't break my heart

amelia ♥B11ATCH
break your heart!

Maehanyi
my achy breaky heart

amelia ♥B11ATCH
HAHAHA my achy breaky heart

Maehanyi
I'M ONLY GONNA BREAK BREAK YOUR BREAK BREAK YOUR HEART

amelia ♥B11ATCH
SHADDUP

Maehanyi
:(
UNBREAK MY HEARTTTT
SAY YOU'LL LOVE ME AGAINNNNN

amelia ♥B11ATCH
no I shan't!
hmpf!

Maehanyi
UNDO THIS HURT THAT YOU CAUSED WHEN YOU WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND WALKED OUT OF MYLIFE
UNCRY THESE TEARSSSSS
I CRIED SO MANY NIGHTTTTS
UNBREAK MY HEARTTTTT
;(

amelia ♥B11ATCH
I get it maehanyi I get it
and wasn't it you who broke my heart??
;(

Maehanyi
oh.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
(L) <- there you go it's all fine now

amelia ♥B11ATCH
(U)!!!!!

Sunday afternoons are always so lazy :(
But nooo I cannot sleep peacefully without somebody waking me up.

Heritage Badge info booklet is annoying + nicely distracting!
Haha spammage of emails from CLs recently have made me feel like... we're really going to achieve something big this year :D

BP QUEST MUGAMUGAMUG

Recently things have happened and I've asked myself if it's because of what I said/what I did/how I responded. I don't know why I'm different around different people (the more caps and smiley faces and spammage = the more comfortable I feel around you I guess) and that's going to change.

I am me. I am not willing to change for you.

---

today also I was fixing up the broken ironing board hinge with twine. my sister watched me square lashing and felt the knot and said wow I’m impressed. and my father came in and went wow that is one helluva knot (and my mother came in and went wow isn’t that a bit extra why couldnt you use tape- but that is not the point) and at that point I just sat back and looked at it and I thought about just how proud I am to be a guide. I love raffles guides, but above and beyond that I’m proud to be a guide. through my journey in guides in RGS I’ve gone through a lot of different emotions about it but I know this one’s here to stay. I may not have a great specific talent that guides helps me develop- I don’t dance, I don’t draw, I don’t play a musical instrument unless chopsticks on the piano counts, I don’t act, I don’t run or jump or bowl or even hold a badminton racket the right way- but I can mend things, I can get a fire going without solid fuel (take that obs 8D), I can build shoeracks and put up tents and be useful. most of all I can be prepared for anything that comes my way. how many more important attitudes are there that you can have the privilege of arming yourself with? I don’t believe in pressuring people to join guides (or pressuring people to do anything, actually) but I know I’m really, really very proud to be a guide. I think it’s a massive honour that I am a member of this sisterhood. we’re not just a uniformed group. when I think about guides it goes beyond just a CCA in just my school- it’s not just about batch, or about patrol, or about raffles guides- it’s about us playing our own little important roles in a powerful movement that was started on the basis of empowering girls to be the best they can and that lives on into the future supported by millions of eager hands around the world.

silently each guide should ask
have I done my daily task?
have I kept my honour bright- shall I guiltless sleep tonight?
have I done and have I dared everything to be prepared?

(and I know i’m not the only one who feels this- every once in a while mayo/weiyi/jocie/vanessa ronald/other b11atchmates whose blogs I don’t follow as persistently break/dissolve on their blogs in these grateful posts full of love)

Laura you are mad and I love you so much.

---

DAY FOUR: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
1. The song that's stuck in my head for that one day.
2. What time is it now hahaha
3. Replays of old conversations (I know it sounds weird but it's more of like... eh I haven't seen ______ in a while when was the last time we talked OH)
4. People who at that point in time have made me feel some for of emotion, whatever it is.
5. Oh shit I forgot _________
6. What am I staying back for tomorrow? 8D
7. (This is getting hard, I don't really remember my thoughts) I'M BORED.
8. Who's online?

OMG THAT IS HOW SAD MY LIFE IS.
Okay less sad than Japanese Guy who married video game girl yes yes :D

You know sometimes I read through my old posts and most of the time I remember which person/circumstance I was talking about/directing my post at? And then I wonder how it could have left such a great impact on me, and when I'll really forget what it's about. I remember too many things :(


Hahahaha Doobie is wearing Auntie Autumn Collection 2010 shorts I am very amused:

AND THE BOSS JUST CALLED AND TOLD ME THAT THEY'LL START AFTER I ARRIVE WHICH MEANS EITHER THERE'S NO ONE WHICH THEN RENDERS MY DAO AHMA FACE USELESS OR EVERYONE BUT ME AND NING ARE THERE MEANING THAT THE MOMENT I STEP INTO THE ROOM THEY'LL ALL BE JUDGING MY AUNTIE SHORTS I AM V STRESSED

I know I fail at challenges. D:
But I won't do anymore than Day Three for today! (sorry darlings, learning how to win my heart is good enough no? :D)

DAY THREE: Eight ways to win your heart
(I hope this doesn't turn into how not to piss me off because I am currently pissed with too many people)

1. Remember the littlest things! Haha I don't know I always feel very.. touched when people remember things I told them that I don't remember/ remember telling them.
2. I like funny people
3. Be nice (but not those kind of constantly nice people or it'll make me feel bad omg) But like... nice to talk to, nice as a friend, generally nice.
4. SPECIAL AND WEIRD > NORMAL AND BORING
5. (This is such a Tumblr quote but) I like it when people msn/text me randomly cos it means they're thinking of me! hahahaha
6. SAY THE SWEETEST THINGS OCCASIONALLY AND I WILL SERIOUSLY MELT HAHAHA
7. Trustworthy + trusting
8. Don't be annoying/a jerk hahah. (And that's very rare)

---

Past few days-

Wednesday: Sec1s took Conduct & Deportment and HanJun and I had too much fun being annoying and unreasonable while Nicole-as sat there acting nice and Jocie failed half the batch because they walked unglamly! Batch discussion was... :D we're gonna be so awesome. Milk Tea + ShihLin = I PUT ON 2 KG IN ONE WEEK HAHAHAHA ):

Thursday: OSL Meeting about the Philippines incident where we voiced out our concerns and what struck me the most was what Mr Lim said - "The certainty of us being able to serve is a hundred percent, and the possibility of something bad happening is less than a hundred percent". We won't let this deter us :)

Friday: COH meeting was a hell lot of inspiration and too-familiar-Tumblr photos! :D I'd love to think that the future year is going to be full of them hahaha Kway i'm gonna spam you like mad with lovely photos. PL discussion was pretty much the same as batch discussion, and ended up playing very (not so) quiet games :D Milk Tea + ShihLin (wtf I know, wtf) = AR station and comm allocation! (and we had too much fun too hahaha)

Today: Tired and embarrassing :( But... Thursday and Friday's gonna be awesome COME BUY TICKETSSS HEARTSONG AND THE GRAMMIES!

Okay I forgot about Day 2, so today will be Day 2!

DAY TWO: Nine things about yourself.
Wow this is going to be hard.

1. I feel stupid in Math Clinic haha wth right :(
2. Too addicted to bubble tea for my own good. (Okay on to deeper things)
3. I hide my emotions a lot, I think? So I feel very exposed/insecure when I tell people sensitive things :/
4. I guess I'm pretty dependent on friends for my well-being. And MSN. HAHA.
5. It's very easy to make my day. (oh shit my day just got made hahaha)
6. I get happy/sad over the smallest things sighhh.
7. Physics is sleeping time 8D
8. Music mix is pissing me off it sounds like crappp.
9. I can't wait for dinnerrrrrr.

And okay I realised I forgot quite a lot of people for Day 1!
Rae-Ann: Go follow fairytalesandlovestories or something like that!! I LIKEEEE. :D Omg and I haven't talked to you properly in sooo looong.
Wang Xuan: OMG LSL UPDATE HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA HOWWWWW
Yin Yu: One day you will follow us for milk tea and not get driven home you pampered kid tskkk.
Ryan: I KNOW YOU READ THIS.

Aiyo Day 3 tomorrow :)

---

Yesterday Ningxin and I went to J8 because.. I don't even know why we went there for the Library but then they didn't have the book :( So we pigged at Pizza Hut and ate Yami Yoghurt and went to the toilet a lot and talked a lot about life and love hahaha and we only refilled our Pepsi once!

On the way there we got stared at by a freaky paedo (who takes freakiness to extremes he turned 90 deg and stared at us) and then Ningxin was being an oblivious shit, we arrived at this stop and I glanced around the back and went eh let's move behind there are seats! So she turned around and said loudly WHERE GOT SEATS YOU DREAMING IS IT?! Ass. Then when freaky paedo left he stared at us and went in a nasal voice BYEBYE. BYEBYE. HELLO. HELLO. BYEBYE. YOU VELI PLETTY. HELLO. CAN I KNOW YOU. And Ningxin the retard smiled at him wtf hahahha.

Traumatizing much. ):

---

Today I went for Math Clinic!
HanJun I think we are stupider than stupid :( No wait just me, you figured out Add Sugar To Coffee hahaha.

Sat in the Guides Room with JWY and listened to them talk as I read things :D Milk Tea + ride home was funnn, we haven't had the chance to sit down and talk properly before!!

Next year seems so exciting.

I WILL DO THE TUMBLR CHALLENGE TOO 8D

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

DAY ONE: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Ningxin: HAHA YAY TOMORROW! Library + McCafe I am so happyyyy. Will spend tonight thinking of interrogation questions HAHAHA.
Deborah: Doobie I miss you! ): Stop being some enthu shit at YOG and get back to school already :@
Phyllis: I KNOW YOU STALK ME TOO. haiii.
Jocie: ♥♥♥♥♥ I just realised I have Math Clinic (!!!) on Tuesday but I will pon I must pon!
Amelia: Thank youuuu haha your tag made me smile :) <- there you go.
Wei Yi: Now that I've gotten an LJ account just for you you better post love messages to me every other day tyvm.
Vanessa: TWINNEHHHHHH! Haha I think you still read this (right right right?) HAVE YOU WATCHED INCEPTION.
Laura: I Hate That Website. :@
Alicia: I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO READ THIS. (Because I'm going to read yours too heehee)
Charmaine: Eh do you have a lot of locked posts I CREATED LJ!

It suddenly hit me that I don't really have anyone left to talk about things anymore.


So maybe this was what I feared, above everything else.


Oh god I'm so childish.

Why am I being so selfish? I'd hate it so much if someone did what I'm doing now.

Everyone's a hypocrite and so am I. I know what's the right thing to do but I can't seem to muster the strength/..courage? to do it. But I've always expected so so much more, this is why I hate hoping, I hate expecting.

Because when you're disappointed, it takes a lot to act like it's nothing to you. It takes a lot not to regret all the happiness you had from hope.

:(


I want pancakes.

The greatest thing Striping has given me is gratitude.

I don't know how to say this because I won't do it justice. Thank you to every single person who has affected me in even the smallest ways these past two and a half years - thank you for making me smile, for making me laugh, for annoying me, for the letters, the words, your smiles, my tears, your tears. Thank you for being part of this amazing experience because it was the greatest destiny and fate I've ever had the privilege, chance and luck to encounter.

Striping has taught me so so so many things - that love brings people together no matter what's happening on the surface, because even if you may be very different people in the end we share tears over the same thing; that sometimes you find comfort in the smallest things, and in the most unexpected people, because sometimes family isn't the first you turn to but it's always the strong steady structure supporting you from behind; that nothing can limits you but yourself, and your fears (thank you alicia), so break free of what you think it normally is and do all you can to turn it into what you want it to be; that the people you know the least can help you the most, and the people you don't expect will share the same sentiments; that when b11atch huddled together in our little clumps and cried, I've never felt more at home.

And even as I sit here thinking/regretting about what I didn't treasure while it lasted, I know it's not regret. I know it was a miracle that I ever had the opportunity to be here the past few years, and I know that while it lasted I did what I could and that's why I stand here with no regrets.

B11ATCH, it's time to step up.
We've known this for a while now, it's going to be surprising, but I know it isn't going to be hard. We've always given our all anyway, haven't we? :) Now we have more people to look out for, but never for a moment think we no longer have anyone looking out for us. I know that as we're sitting in our patrols leading and loving our juniors the way our seniors did for us, I know that nothing will remove the comfort of b11atch - even thirty years from now.

I know that as we step up, when we graduate, when we part ways, we'll never forget modulus batch, our jumpshots, our crude name, our outings, our song singing, our circle sitting, our tears, our hugs.

Thank you so so so much.
Trust me when I say there's a lot more to this. :')

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

TOMORROW IS STRIPING
1. UNIFORM
2. NOTES
3. IS IT GOING TO RAIN?

So, so, so tired.
Need to do so many things but how?


Okay nice cold shower wake up wake up.

You do the same thing every single time - I don't get why I still have expectations.

Today's GLT meeting was.. a nice break from HBL :) Over ice-cream and fries we attempted to speak khmer (and sounded like rumbling bulls) but I'm sure everybody can remember buong koon nah-yi-nah, where's the toilet? Laughed way more than I have in a while because we are so fail at Khmer and Celine is permanent endless entertainment :D

I am excited!!!! 3 months and 11 days :D

And my Striping notes are dead.

1. Can anyone lend me Eat, Pray, Love? Desperately want to read it!!!
2. Is there any simple vegetarian dish that's decently tasty enough to eat on repeat for 11 days? ):

and all that I know is that I've never been here before
And no I'll never leave if it's alright with you
Dreaming of oceans while jumping in puddles
And all of my life I pretend you were there by the door
I don't need to pretend anymore
This song is so insanely sweeeet.♥


On another note, so much for not letting little things affect me - I think too many insignificant things make me happy and too many things annoy/sadden me. /: And the two groups are too interdependent.

HBL is doing nothing but pissing me off because it's hottt and I don't like reading stuff on the computer hahaha. Will eat lunch and watch TV :D

For now I will say:

1. I don't like irresponsibility. Maybe this makes me a hypocrite and I admit it too, but I don't like it when even though you were told what you had to do you didn't bother listening/taking action. It annoys me so much because people have put in effort to help you with your job by giving you the guidelines and you don't even take it seriously.

2. I don't like laziness. I don't like it when it's your responsibility yet you refuse to do anything about it, and other people in it with you suffer from your lack of effort. It's unfair, it's disgusting, when you get credit too, and she's the one who's worrying over everything you refuse to help out in.

3. I don't like unfounded decisions that affect other people, and I don't like having to smile and accept it all the time, and I don't like that I do it anyway regardless.



4. I love oovoo and skype and lazy mornings with so much to do yet no way to do it and lousy internet connections and general tiredness and mass social network gatherings.

5. I love our J8 KOI and Pizza Hut date next Thursday!! So many things to talk about!


And all these feelings about nothing make me feel very vulnerable /:
Ah well.

Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

Wake up call huh, very timely.
Things people do still have the same effect on me (even four months later).


This makes me feel really sad :/
When do we stop being innocent?

---

So. Exactly 2 weeks of.. a truckload of joy, worry, hope, fear, fun, and love :)

This entire experience has such a Selection Camp feel to it - I walk away knowing I've learnt enough to compensate for whatever the outcome might turn out to be. Yesterday I said that position doesn't matter and Kim asked me really? And yesterday I had a dream and now I say: position will matter next Wednesday (it's the pivotal point of a whole new year and inevitably your position in that, the role you play and the significance of it will matter, a lot) But what I meant yesterday, what I still believe today, is that in the long run, after we get over initial rejection (which will be really quickly won't it - I foresee inclusion to the largest extent possible, please?) I know we'll all still give our all. Position will matter because in a way it still feels like a dictation of self-worth even though that's not the case but it's still another feeling that crops up again and again regardless and it formalizes everything we picture next year to be. But in the end, ultimately (and hence what really matters) is that position will not dictate what we can or cannot do, and I believe the seven of us will do whatever we can to carve bridges over rivers because none of us (and by us I mean b11atch) will leave twelve months from now with any regrets.

I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Hola if you feel that you’ve been down the same road
I'm Not Afraid - Eminem

Yesterday after session the seven of us sat outside E102 as the CLs, ex-CLs and Guiders sat a wall away and we held hands and formed a little trust circle. Yin Yu went first (after open numbers) so we gave her a giant group hug then we returned to our little trust circle and sang the same song over and over again as Amelia pointed out the irony in this classroom being the home of our Enrollment in and we stared at our feet wondering what's going to happen next.

And yesterday when we told our juniors that batch changes your entire experience in Guides - I don't know if they had any idea how much we meant it. There are some things you just have to experience on your own (because words won't do it justice) but I don't want them to waste time like we did with their own friends and only seeing a fraction of what they could. I hope they find each other soon.

Huh so I'm not as strong as I thought I've grown to become.

During dinner a rat ran past the doorway to the kitchen which freaked a lot of people out (especially my brother who has a phobia - I feel powerful now) and sparked off a very entertaining conversation on how we're going to get rid of the rats which ranged from:

1. Moving house
2. Staying in a chalet for two months as the house got gased (because rotting rats are better than live rats says the brother)
3. Having weird contraptions of sticky paper + rat cages so that when the older, stronger rats were caught in the cage, all its babies will come and mourn -> get stuck on sticky paper.
4. My brother proudly says: If rats were smart I would catch one rat, skin it, and hang it up, so no rats will come near ever again. (to which my sister and I replied like real you'll run away and he replies indignantly I will hire someone to do it)
5. Flood the house with a 2cm deep pool of water ("so you want mouldy feet for the rest of your life?!")

And now they just hopped up the stairs like fearful little bunnies I can't believe I'm the youngest.

---

Guides Session today = first CL nominee session!
Haha Amelia YinYu y'all were great :)
(Especially when you fell out in sync and giggled in sync and shouted Guides Dismissed! in sync teehee I thought it was very cute!)

Tested Sec 2s gadgets with rae and I realised
- I am very critical/opinionated
- Rae-Ann looks like a lobster.

:D

I LOVE THIS TUMBLR.
Now watch me as I read it till the end and search for a movie link to The Last Song. Which isn't the best thing to do on an internet connection that doesn't allow MSN logins.

National Day = liberation.
Day After National Day = retribution.
(Just like ice-cream and peanuts and All Things Good)

In the weeks to follow, I resolve to:
1. Do all my homework, and understand all my homework.
2. Repay my debts, and not incur any more.
3. Watch The Last Song, Inception, Street Dance, and maaaybe Step Up 3D!
4. Lose weight! (haha yeah right)


MY MSN TOOK ABOUT TEN MINUTES TO RECONNECT!
This makes me happy, somehow.

This so-called long holiday is already coming to an end, I had big dreams of completing work + starting revision but... yeah.

Today:
Finish up Bio Journal
Find out what the chinese compo is on
Do Physics
Write more letters.

I have thirty plus to write and I've written a grand total of.. ONE! :D
): because I've written so many drafts and it doesn't feel right.



And tonight = NDP = chickennnn!

NDP 2010!
omg-tomorrow's-a-holiday-i-get-to-sleep-in!!! pride.

Flagraising was - hoping and praying I wouldn't drop the flag (because contrary to what I thought about how no one cares about the flag being raised, standing there feels like, shit everyone's looking) + trying not to move despite amelia's very distracting antics and sudden crying + trying to look professional yet glam (fail.) when 89047534 cameras started taking pictures of amelia raising the flag = note to self never to stand next to flagraiser during major school event.

NDP was - high-ing at the corner with Amelia Nicole Vanessa HanJun + (as good as) shouting every single song out, even those which lyrics we forgot + bending down in anticipation for when the chorus came (wrongly) + jumping with one sticky arm linked to amelia's and the other hand grabbing at my bouncing bun (note to self never to tie buns on bouncy days) + screaming with fervor during unite because no school event is complete without it.

OSL meeting was - trying to stay awake in the first half because contacts does that to me + getting major goosebumps when reading the stats and watching the vid + sitting with GLT during idea sharing and asking very stupid and embarrassing questions and bursting into laughter every two minutes at celine's very very odd questions and weilin's hopes of inventing disposable bras (I'll be your first customer though)

Outing was - no Street Dance! ): Resorted to eating KFC under the escalator at Plaza Sing + talking about things and singing songs (one of which I've played on repeat because I don't think you can ever get tired of a song that puts into words your feelings) + playing games about Science heehee + Laura charming the SingTel guy with her wave + walking around scrapbooking shops which are such pretty places but never buying anything + sending Laura off in case a nanyang head prefect sees her and Isn't Happy + sending Amelia off because.. BreadTalk was just beside the door and it has such pretty bread (no Jocie, it's nothing about packaging, it is pretty!!)

And so left with Jocie and I - daring ourselves to enter this very high class home furnishing shop and spending the next hour or so looking at wallpaper designs cute angmoh babies + looking for ribbon in Daiso + paper in Spotlight + dinner at Pastamania (which should never happen with just two of us because Spin The Coke makes all the decisions) + getting sidetracked so many times but we're improving aren't we! + each a cup back under the escalator where the man in SingTel looked at us very curiously in recognition so we waved feebly at him and he gave us another thumbs up + swearing to leave by 8.30 but we never were good at time limits like that so by the time we actually got on the train it was 9 plus and I LOVE YOU JOCIE <3

Most eventful thing today was the doorknob getting jammed which led to one hour of sitting outside the bedroom providing silent moral support (and when I say silent I mean sitting on the floor reading how to plan parties on a budget - AA!!) while my sister was inside yanking at the knob while my dad stood outside coaching her (I think his knowledge of knob anatomies is actually kind of freaky) and my mum put in a useless word or two because girls do not know things like that.

Finished CmPS report + addendum today and it's like - WHOA.
We are actually kind of officially free from projects for a long long while (except for 6-page report and I swear I will start on that soon - being the official report reviewer is an annoying but lovely job because I like to type) but but but-

1000-word report: killer but immensely satisfying when we stared at the word count and it said 1000 and it was a godsend :D I hate summarizing.

Addendum: awesome shizz.

I haven't been able to concentrate on lessons properly nowadays and it's frustrating. /:
Two more days worth of completing projects/work, and then the insanely long weekend will come :D

Insanely long weekend = catch up on work, catch up on studies, because when school reopens I need to start focusing on EYAs.
(I feel like such a mugger.)


Anyway nowadays I feel very proud of FOODCHUCK :D
doobie we've come a long way from PS haven't we!

mhmm :)


eat an orange, print geog, finish abstract, cmps report.

11. (I would've stopped at 10 but tonight's not a night for regularity nor round numbers) The next few weeks are going to be trying - they're going to stretch me, tear me apart, break me down - but they're not going to crush me. Because I won't let them. I know I'm so incredibly lucky to have the most amazing 6 people by my side and I couldn't have asked for anybody else. It's not going to be easy, I know we all know that, and I know that even the closest of us may turn their backs (and none of us can and will be blamed for it). But to the best of our abilities, I trust that we all want the best for guides, and that we won't let power nor authority nor status get the better of us.

A guiding light
amid the throng,
A faith, a hope,
a bright new day.
Friendship is a chosen way.

[x]

ILY all so much. Let's not let things break apart any further.

12. Half a year ago if I'd known this would happen, I think I'd have been really happy. Right now, I don't want to make any guesses. I think for me getting CL nominee is in itself an incredibly big thing. 2 and a half years ago when I first stepped into guides I wouldn't in my wildest dreams have dreamt that that email would be sitting in my inbox. Whether I do get it or not, I think what I would want to matter more on 18th August is how I performed against myself- whether I pushed myself to do the best I could, whether I gave everything I could and more, whether I stayed true to myself and made no decisions that I regretted or felt ashamed of, whether I made the experience worthwhile for all involved. It's nice to know that people believe in you, yes, but I think really and truly - the results are secondary. And like Zi Xin said, 10-20 years down the road, it's not who was CL or who was even a nominee that people will remember. It's what you did, how you did it, how you made people feel that people will remember.

13. I love you b11atch I really really do. Let's do this together.

[x]

Maehanyi Rajendram to Rae-Ann, wwonder, Joceline, Amelia, Yin, Wang
I'd like to think this calls for an extremely important milk tea outing on tuesday rsvp please :D

Joceline Yong to me, Rae-Ann, wwonder, Amelia, Yin, Wang
HAHAHA MAYO ILY <3
But I have orals :/
Wednesday now? (:

Wang Xuan to jocelineyong, me, Rae-Ann, wwonder, ameliashaye, lim_yin_yu
after ndp prac? (:

Yin Yu Lim to wangxuan88, joce, me, raeann95, wwonder, amelia
OMG OHYEAHH WE HAVE STOOPID NDP PRAC ! AFTER NDP! :DD

Amelia to Wang, jocelineyong, me, Rae-Ann, wwonder, lim_yin_yu
YES YES YES PLEASE

Maehanyi Rajendram to Amelia
...okay fine screw cmps

WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY
emo talk :D

Koh Wei Yi to lim_yin_yu, Wang, jocelineyong, me, raeann95, ameliashaye
Oh oh since we are all going let's coordinate I don't want to wear PE shirt! ):

Yin Yu Lim to wwonder, wangxuan88, joce, me, raeann95, amelia
the little chicken shirt?


Omg I swear I love you all to bits I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else ♥♥♥
Best part is I don't think any of us are actually scared for the results - the pre- is exciting and the post- is for dreaming. :)

“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage; because we don’t want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.”
— Madonna

And this is what it means by no regrets.

---

We only see as far as we think, and we can only grow towards the things we believe.
These two are for you, and I hope you're open enough to understand that, because I don't think you do right now. ): And that will be our limitation, and no it's not worth it.

---

Can't copy/save any pictures, so look at this.
Very worth your time.

Wow.
We were barely into the entire AA preparation, but it's already over. I think this year's was pretty rushed, so everything just zipped by, but the end product = way surpassing what we put in :)

BEFORE
Structureeee! With a lot of B11ATCH = spending forever looking for poles (some too long some too short but none of them were right raise your left!) and hauling them to the koi pond then using tiles as markers and shoes as supporters and pulling like crazy (but fearing rope burn) and very frantic near-collapse tripod erecting and moving around x1000 and bricklaying and aluminium foil sticking and basically a lot of sweat stress and yet I love love love doing structure because while it pisses you off when it screws up the end product is seriously worth it :D

Changing! Haha omg won't go into details ;D A lot of "CLOSE THE DOOR" and icky jeans wearing because sweat + jeans ≠ good combo. Unsweated ourselves as much as possible with a shitload of deo spraying and "spray and we walk!" and we walk very determinedly to and fro.

Dinner! With Hanin and Rae-Ann with already aching feet and gulping chrysanthemum tea like there's no tomorrow and ditching half of our meal and carving our initials and "do not touch" with 1. I have nametag! 2. I have stylus!! 3. I have sharp fingernails!!!

Phototaking! WOW. Okay. A lot of yelling "DO NOT TOUCH THE STRUCTURE, IT CAN FALL" because two schools made it sway very dangerously and then AC decided to be an asshole and somehow knocked it down and the entire thing just... floated in midair as it fell down very movie slow-motioned-like and people screamed and we all tried to push it back up as the scouts attempted to help us and then left with a "you can come back later!". Improvised on the structure i.e. get rid of half of it and spent the remaining pre-campfire time untying knots and carrying poles and using my legs as supporting things and basically Sweating A Lot, but at least steady structure!!

Campfireeee! Hahaha I loved the performance it was very very very good for something I didn't think was rehearsed that much!! Very lame omg, and all the song slipins were Very Pro :D Sec ones were super cute hahaha, and ragini looked very superstar! Sec fours' skirts were super pretty and dance was also - omg they learn fasttt. Dressup time was run to watercooler time (where Rae met Someone) andddd...

Post-Campfire! Wow this was fun. Ran around like mad looking for people and giving out cards and collecting presents and dropping presents; took last minute photos + awkwardly took a picture with SJI scouts who kept offering to take down our structure because we were being polite (and rae-ann was being insanely blur hahahah); dismantled the structure (which was surprisingly smooth); had to carry a whole load of stacks of cars back up to E101 ("eh ask the guys to help la, they keep offering anyway" "no la, this is our AA, we should carry, unless they offer" "okay then we'll make a lot of noise and they'll come up and help") and then we burst into antagonized moans and sighs and groans and they came :D :D

Sitting with the rest of Guides in the canteen as we listened to the CLs talk and cheered and collected our M&Ms because we were all different colours in one lovely packet, it hit me that this really was the end. No one told us that this would be the last time we experienced Guides with the sec fours until Striping, and it was.. wow. We've been through the most number of years with them, and now they're gone.


You know sometimes I think we do everything we do and dream everything we dream because a part of us, who knows how prevalent, doesn't want to disappoint those who helped pave our way.