It's been raining like mad recently, every single day. Bet it'll rain through IHG tomorrow, but ah well, hope not though.
Yesterday was Pioneer Training and it was... wow. We all lit fires in what, 10 minutes? And Mr Mail is an awesome awesome guy, I think pioneer training was more than just a training really, it was a confidence booster :)
And dinner with Rae was awesome haha I need to continue having dinner with people- it makes you feel way happier than having lunch idky.
Anyway yesterday I was at the Eastpoint bus stop and watching the rain and it was so heavy it flowed down the underside of the shelter and started raining on us I haven't seen this much rain in forever I LOVE RAIN
Yesterday I was thinking about how it would have been if I applied for mentor and was that much closer to being able to go back and serve all over again. I think that's the worst part about giving up something? But, like I tried to explain so so so many times, once was enough, once is all I need. Don't really know how to say it but ah well.
Assembly presentation this Friday, and after this (and after Parent's Meet)- that's it. (But our future project!!) Ah shit I love you guys so so much and I love the video too heeheeee.
To the Sec 3s, take your time deciding. Make sure you really want it, then give your all. No regrets. Have fun :)
10:56 PM
#573; there's nowhere left to fall when you reach the bottom
I don't like you, I don't understand you, but somehow reading what you write... soothes me. You can inspire, but I just don't know how to be your friend, eh. :)
Spent (a little too long) a while looking through all my old FB pics haha I love you guysssss.
5:36 PM
#572; how can I fight for someone who isn't even there
You probably don't know this, but I admire you a lot.
I didn't realise until recently how busy you were, and how many things you've got on your plate. Yet you're still the one initiating things, making sure emails don't get lost in the read pile and never revived again. You're still remembering all the other things that aren't as important against the more major commitments, but are important to you. I really don't know how to phrase this but you are amazing and I'm sorry if I haven't been much of a help recently.
And that's just one little thing against the rest of your existence heehee so corny but-
I love you :) Hope you liked the baby picture cos I did! 8D
8:43 PM
#571; I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried
I think my opinions of people are getting too strong. I'm back to the old habit of labeling people (but then again I never actually got rid of it) and now it's just more distinct and less open to change, maybe?
And in the midst of all that thinking I realised how many friends I have that I don't actually talk to properly in real life. Like I can text you and msn you but then when I see you in school/ somewhere in the world it's just "HELLO" and a smile and a wave. But neither can you say it isn't friendship, since it is.
These 22 days of 2011 so far has been manageable I think. Everyone has so many things to do but no one actually feels the urgency to do it? But I know you do, and sometimes I wonder maybe if I were that bit more conscientious I'd be the same way too.
These 22 days of 2011 has also been another year of not knowing how to help people, I guess. Just can't find the words. Either that or it's just a simple wish not to help you.
But but but. I love my friends :))) And everyone I love is going to get a birthday present! CUZ THIS YEAR WE ARE SCHMEXY SIXTEEN.
Sent Laura off today! See you sooooon, don't worry I'll spam your email as much as possible :D After that I walked around with Kway and am I the only one who didn't know that T3 has this awesome texture-colouring place? I LOVE IT anybody wants to go there with me again someday?
And I completely forgot about the March Camp proposal and right now I'm too _____ to continue doing it haha :( Firelighting next session, I miss it! Surprisingly enough.
Hello stalker, I think you know that I'm referring to you.
I read your little website thing and all the photos and the captions haha I know that it's your emo place but it makes me feel very... idk, sad? And I know that even if I try my hardest to help you/ talk to you it won't be enough lah, cos I can't fully understand what you're going through. But I know you're still sad cos haha duh no one recovers that quickly sooo I don't want to bring it up with you directly cos you probably won't like it, so I'm saying it here that if you want to talk about it/ rant about it I'm here okay!! And I'm online every night LOL so yeah if you want to then just start it then I'll know you want to DO I MAKE SENSE!
Love youuuu <3
7:41 PM
#567; I believe there is a place where fear is finally waving goodbye
Should be asleep by now since I'm still kinda sick but I'm super awake :/ Gonna crash tomorrow I think.
Today I found out that my brother read a lot my my messages back when we were in NZ and his bed was by the charger- I feel so violated and yet... kind of good that actually among my siblings and I we can open up to each other and there's no judging. The whole bond from being family in a way- an obligation to love that isn't just an obligation?
LAURA YOU TURN ME INTO THINGS LIKE THIS.
Yesterday night was Milk Tea with Vanessa and Laura and we saw Sec 3s return from OBS and talked about how JC life doesn't seem quite as good what with all our seniors' fb statuses and whatnot. Biggest fear would be that people change, but I trust (most of) my friends not to, I hope!
After that was dinner with Laura and haha everytime I'm with you we end up at J8 rooftop :) And hmm I think the best part of that night was telling you things that I wouldn't have expected myself to, and you understanding? ILYYY. And your leg poem.
Today I missed Cheer cos I was sickkkk :(
AND I NEVER KNEW EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT G650?!
People like to use rhetorical questions/ imposing statements to somehow convince themselves that something is right, something is normal, and hence, that's what they should follow. Like, if _______, why should I _______?! Even if I ________, it won't ________. I have no idea what I think about it. Just that it's kinda sad, dontcha think. But everyone's defense mechanism, eh, like, to save myself I need to convince myself that ________ is true.
Anyway tonight is a rare treat of lying on bed using Tumblr since my dad is one of the breathe-down-your-neck dads. And he's currently in Vietnam buying us stuff hehe. :)
I know you don't read this, but today I was thinking- you were never a good friend. Can't believe I haven't noticed that till now. Sooo I hope I never need to talk to you again. Harsh, but, seriously. Haha friends don't ask :)
Also, I'm going to teach myself to unsee. You know how when you notice a major character flaw in someone (or minor, really) you just keep noticing it? And it just builds and builds and then eventually you can't even speak to the person properly. Well- positive thinking is key I think? Cos everyone has the little diamond in them ho ho.
LAURA I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW <3 Along with Guides selection trials I hope they're a nice bunch!
And okay char, I'm going to start replying tags hahaha.
11:45 PM
#565; just praying to a god that I don't believe in
I think today's Philo lesson was very interesting! I like the whole morality/religion thing- maybe because I've always been kind of interested in religion and the possibility of maybe one God having different sides for all the different religions (like what you mentioned, Jocie!) and especially since I don't have a religion/ specific belief so does that mean I have no morals/ do not have 'complete' morals?
But obviously I do lah please (shut up) so how did I get it since my family is super unreligious?
I like Philo!! Especially Determinism and what Han Jun said about how they had this test which discovered that the person's brain instructed him to move his hand before he consciously made the decision to move his hand. LIKE, MINDF.
Haha k this is why Amanda finds my blog boring :( WHATEVER. Read below for a post that's finally about you :)
So yesterday we went to KAP (at long last!) to celebrate Doob's birthday. Kind of a shitty celebration since it was definitely not a surprise (I wrote "Deborah's Birthday Surprise @ KAP" in my notebook with her watching then I told Doob "Eh we're not having your celebration at KAP anymore than I feebly covered it but k fail) but SHE LIKED IT. Then again, first birthday surprise after seven years of knowing her. ♥! Happy 16th!
Anyway I love you all v v v much hahaha y'all are super retarded!! ♥♥♥ A-ban/ normal Chinese!
Today was Sec 1 trials and hearing the Guiders complain about how desperate they are is v funny- apparently there's this girl who memorised the whole website and used "Be Prepared" as an adjective to describe herself, awesome. But half of them piss me off cos they're so demanding omg.
Oh-kayyy going to do my homework before sleeping, must stop sleeping at 10.30 lololol.
Today, as she licked the blood off the cuts she made on her own wrists, she asked me, “How many calories are in blood?” MMT
Why do people just keep doing things to themselves?!
First time I opened MMT in a really long while. So many posts about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. If only they knew.
Today, when I told my 7-year-old daughter to never give up on her dreams, she asked me when I gave up on mine. I stuttered and couldn’t seem to articulate anything for a few moments after that. MMT
I think it's always when you start labeling things/ quantifying them/ realising what you have, that it's easier to notice when you're losing it? Or maybe everyone just overreacts. What happened, buddy. :(
First Cheer Prac today and idk what to think about Cheer already lah. I think choreographing as opposed to just learning is seriously very different, and I kind of miss the no stress, just learn and practise experience. But everyone gets a turn, eh!
Oh and a few days ago I started considering taking ELL in JC- I know it's still very early to decide but I really cannot choose between what I'm more interested in as opposed to the more practical, and maybe more related to jobs and all. So much for how determined I was to live my dream and all that, I don't even know what my dream is and I think it's very scary not to know, y'know?
Ahh kungfu panda I read your Tumblr: 1. Listening to Taylor Swift doesn't make you a bimbo k :@ 2. You are awesome and I love youuu v v v much (:
Went shopping with Cheryl today I feel super accomplished!
First day of lessons and every teacher is telling us about The Sec Four Year. So I guess this is going to be (one of) the last few days I feel properly free? And I don't think it's going to be as tiring as the previous years' Sec 4 experience with the shorter hours + free Wednesdays + no PTs and all that :)))
Choreo-ed with Crystal and MinChih today and I honestly don't understand how people can choreo something and be perfectly fine with it for the next six months?! Anyway first prac on Saturday hahahaha I wonder how the new people will react to the warmup. Today I also realised how unfit I am.
And I really really really like the new timetables it's the reason why after a whole year, today was the second time I went out with Doob and Cheryl LOL.
Station Games tmr I'm quite excited! I'm going to revise my First Aid hahaha I feel so needed cos I'm the only Guide as a First Aider.
Actually I'm really happy about the new system, you can really tell how much effort they put in and I'm pretty annoyed at all the people finding fault with random things that RGS doesn't do right. Dude, go run your own school.
Oh and you two are so skinneh, sure.
OMG FIRST DAY AND I'M PISSED.
K thank you MinChih and Ningxin for the awesome lunch (I love our Pizza Hut tradition though we eat the same thing every time), thank you Jocie/YinYu/WangXuan/juniors for Yeoman time, I love doing brainless things!!!
Speaking of which, I'm in Class A for Chinese, I bet. Cuz Class A is where the best flock to. 8D .......no as Jocie says it's all psychological :(
My mum's paying me $2 per piece of paper I scan what should I do.
CCAO tomorrow! Hmm last one- it's making me kind of nervous haha like yknow this batch of Sec 1s are our Sec 1s? Spent all night printing stuff (and more on msn but wtv) and I hope the end product isn't screwed haha. Thank you everyone who's coming down tmr for gadgets!!
Anyway The Tourist is awesome haha I realised that next year we can watch waaay more movies cos school ends that early? Not to mention actually catch McValue HAHA.
Just spent half an hour stalking a junior LOLOLOL where did my life go.
I GOT A NEW PENCIL CASE OMG! Best Buy Ever. I love love love love it and no pictures because I want to see everyone's reaction hahahaha. It can hold approximately six pens, but s'okay, cos that's what plastic bags are for.
I think the greatest sin is pride. Maybe if everyone were to let go a bit the world would be that much less confusing. And maybe everyone would be happier, but it's their pride that loses that bit of positive, while trying to keep away the negative.
Yesterday I stayed up to listen to the Top 100 haha, California Gurls is the top CAN YOU BELIEVE IT no I can't. And then after that they played How To Save A Life and 1. I love it when radios play older songs cos you get the whole nostalgic feel and all and I loveee that song 2. I started getting the shivers.
I don't know why hmm.
Anyway today I had a realization!
So I was thinking about Sec 4 year and how everyone just enters mugger mode and all that. Then I was thinking about my friends who are very slack and idk they get through the year even though they just uh slack and spam YouTube haha. I used to think, maybe that was living? Actually enjoying yourself, doing what you want to do? --> Living your life to the fullest?
Then I realised, that no, that isn't living. We're kids, yeah, but we're still students. Maybe our living is actually making use of our education. I mean, if the world were to end tomorrow, and then we all met in heaven, and then we talked about life- I don't really know how to say this but maybe even though studying isn't the best thing in the world and it pisses the hell out of us- it's what we're meant to do? What we're allowed to do. And everything you get out of it, especially all the co-curricular stuff haha, that's what living is.
When I stayed in NZ we lived with this cute old couple who'd turned their house's first floor into a motel, and when we left the woman said, be in the moment. We spend our lives doing things. We're human beings, not human doings!
I've heard it before but idk when I heard it then it was particularly striking in a way, because they live in this house in this pretty secluded town and their children are all in other countries and their neighbours live so far away, but they seem so... happy. I guess it's the thing about old couples being in love!!! :')
FEELING SO FLY LIKE A G6