#460; make the stars look like they're not shining
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of what might have been.
I'm not as over it as I think I am, but I don't even know what it is, and how it could be any different.
---
Yesterday I made a wish on 11:11 (in the morning, but ningxin says it doesn't work), so I asked for one of two things to happen, then I thought that something happening (or rather not happening) was a sign that the latter of the two was coming true then ningxin said I was being stupid and she told me something completely against everything I've come to a conclusion to and then the something that didn't happen, happened.
I am so confused.
I should stop believing in signs I think?
Do you let something happen because everything's meant to be/predetermined, or do you make it happen? Inspiration contradicts sometimes, too much.
---
I know this is stupid but I still haven't decided if our Heartsong/Grammies dance was slutty/provocative, or if it really was good/real hiphop.
Why do I care so much? I shouldn't be weighed down by labels.
Why're there so many 'should's, why do we try changing ourselves?
(Maybe because it'll hurt less)
---
I have no idea where my life is heading.
And that's why I lack motivation.
FOR TOO MANY THINGS, I'M DISAPPOINTING TOO MANY PEOPLE
I know it but I can't seem to do anything about it (not because I can't, but because I won't bother)
Argh muddled thoughts.
8:20 AM
